Top Tips to Keep in Mind When Looking for a Writing Mentor
For over twenty years, I’ve had the joy of being a writing mentor in many different roles. During this time, I’ve supported countless individuals who had wonderful stories to share but weren’t sure where to begin. I’ve guided aspiring journalists on how to skillfully use the English language to persuade, inform, and entertain. I’ve even collaborated with bestselling authors to help them adapt their fiction writing talents into engaging articles for the press. Through all these experiences, one valuable lesson stands out: there’s no such thing as ‘unteachable.’ Anyone with a story has the potential to tell it compellingly; sometimes, all it takes is a little extra support to shine bright.
Finding the right mentor can truly transform your writing journey, making it feel exciting and full of possibilities! However, many people feel a bit lost when it comes to starting the search for the right support. Don’t worry; you’re not alone in this!
That’s where I come in. In this article, you will find top tips and helpful tricks to enable you to find the very best cheerleader to accompany you on this journey.
Let’s explore traditional and unconventional ways to find and nurture mentoring relationships that can help advance your writing career.
Understanding What You Need
Before you start looking for a mentor, it’s a good idea to think about the kind of support you’re really after. Are you hoping for an accountability buddy to help keep you on track and reduce procrastination? Or perhaps you’re seeking someone who can provide constructive feedback on your work without too much handholding? If you’ve just completed your first draft, you might want guidance on navigating the publishing world. Or maybe you’re in search of someone to help you build successful writing habits and foster your creative practices?
Being clear about your needs will help you identify the right type of mentor.
Knowing the Best Mentor For Your Needs
The truth is, finding a mentor is more about forging a meaningful connection than simply following a recipe or ticking off a checklist. This special relationship has the potential to elevate your writing to new heights! Just like when selecting an agent, taking your time to find the right mentor is important; you don’t want to rush it. Your mentor can become your closest confidant, and they can also challenge you as a tough critique and teacher, depending on what kind of support you need.
The Reality of What We’re Really Seeking
Before we delve into the ‘how’, let’s be honest about the ‘why’. When we express a desire for a mentor, what we often mean is: “I need someone to reassure me that I’m not mad for pursuing this dream.” “I need someone who’s walked this path before to tell me which pitfalls to avoid.” “I need someone to recognise the potential in my work when I’m struggling to see it myself.” Many who seek mentors are unpublished and frequently un-agented; at this stage, what you are seeking is validation and support.
These are all valid needs, and acknowledging them is the first step toward finding meaningful mentorship.
Where Do All the Mentors Hide?
In the Spaces Between Words
So many wonderful writing organisations and professional associations provide fantastic formal mentorship programs. For instance, Jericho Writers showcases an impressive lineup of authors from a variety of genres with which they collaborate. Many agencies, like Curtis Brown, also have popular mentoring programs each year, and many mentees have successfully landed representation and publishing contracts. While the competition for these valuable slots can be tough, established groups such as the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI), Romance Writers of America (RWA), and various genre-specific associations often offer structured mentorship opportunities. These programs usually pair seasoned authors with emerging writers, or they might provide long-term group training that covers the essentials of publishing alongside structured help on specific writing projects.
However, it’s important to remember that some of the most meaningful mentoring relationships can develop in unexpected places – like the comment section of a blog post. So if you apply for a prestigious mentorship and are unsuccessful, please remember that this is not the only way to get help.
With that in mind, where are the other places you might spot an elusive ‘mentor’?
In Community Spaces
Local writing groups might seem old-school in our somewhat digital age, but there’s something magical about sitting in a room (or even sharing a Zoom call) with other writers who understand your struggles. Sometimes mentorship doesn’t wear a formal label – your mentor could show his/herself one day by offering an encouraging word, or a piece of helpful critique. Someone who is invested in your story and shares your excitement, and offers to be that person to bounce ideas with. Many authors are not looking for a ‘teacher’ but a ‘work colleague’. If that’s you, check out your local writing groups – you never know where you might find your tribe.
Conference Season
Writing conferences aren’t just about learning craft or pitching to agents – they’re often the very best networking opportunities. Conferences aren’t just for ‘newbies’, established authors will mill-around and mingle in a relaxed manner. Just try not to be ‘that’ person who stalks and harasses. The key is to approach these interactions naturally and build genuine connections rather than immediately steamroll bestsellers into being your mentor.
Digital Watering Holes
Social media can feel overwhelming, but it’s where I’ve found some of my most supportive writing relationships. The key? Being authentically yourself. Authors are people watchers by nature, if you are being inauthentic, you’ll be sniffed out in a second. Instead, just be you – share your struggles and fears; celebrate others’ successes. Often you will find mentors will engage with you and offer help if they think they can.
Digital platforms have made it easier than ever to connect with potential mentors. Twitter (X), Instagram, and LinkedIn all have vibrant writing communities where professionals and established authors will regularly engage with newbies. At the end of the day, those bestselling authors were you once. They know how hard it is to get started and most are only ever to happy to help.
The Gentle Art of Asking
Here’s something I wish I knew when I started out – authors, are NOT scary! In fact, most are bloomin’ lovely and if they are able to help, most will… in a heartbeat. They remember the uncertainty, the self-doubt, the desperation for guidance. Here’s how to approach potential mentors without letting anxiety sabotage you:
Do Your Research
Do you due diligence first. If you think you have met an author you would love to have guidance from, check their website first. See if they offer mentoring or writing services and make sure you check the prices they advertise – this will set expectations before you approach. However, if you are unsure if an author takes on mentee’s, that doesn’t mean you can’t ask – you just have to make sure you do so in a polite and professional manner.
Humanity Before Hierarchy
Guess what, authors are humans too – and most aren’t authors because they want to run a business – so going in with the ‘Will you be my mentor?’ straight off the bat might have them running for the hills. Instead, make sure you make a personal connection first. Remember, if this person is to become a mentor, going in aggressive won’t work. So, instead of immediately asking someone to be your mentor, ask if they would be willing to review a short piece of your work. This allows both parties to gauge whether there’s potential for a longer-term relationship.
Perky but Professional
Treat every interaction as a professional opportunity. Be courteous, respect their time, (don’t forget, most mentors have their own books to write too!) and demonstrate that you’ve done your homework by familiarising yourself with their work and career path. But don’t be too stale, this will be a professional relationship, yes, but you don’t want to feel like you’re walking into the principal’s office each morning.
Alternative Forms of Mentorship
Group Mentorship
Be it through financial reasons, or simply just a preference, some writers find that group mentorship programs or writing circles provide the all the guidance they need. These settings offer diverse perspectives and can be less intimidating than one-on-one mentorship, and many will offer the chance to learn how to critique each other’s work. While some authors find multiple opinions confusing, others find the group think and multiple points of view helpful.
Virtual Mentorship
Digital platforms have given rise to various forms of virtual mentorship. While some authors may choose to work with an author/mentor in person regularly, others find that dropping in virtually gives them the flexibility they need to have a mentor on hand when best suits them.
Top Tips for a Successful Mentoring Partnership
Once you’ve established a mentoring relationship, maintaining it requires care and attention:
- Set clear expectations about communication frequency and preferred methods
How often do you want to speak to your mentor? How often would you like feeback on written work? How much input does your mentor expect to have? - Be respectful of boundaries and time constraints
Some mentors are happy to be contacted outside of scheduled meetings, where others will keep strict business hours – make sure you align your expectations early on - Come prepared to meetings with specific questions or topics to discuss
Be respectful of your mentors time. They are taking time out of their busy schedules to help you, so make sure you know what help you need before the call. - Follow through on suggestions and demonstrate growth
If your mentor sets you ‘homework’ – do it! Don’t waste their time. If you have asked them to read your work, the least you can do is follow the structure they have devised to help you. - Express gratitude and acknowledge their impact on your progress – and be HONEST, always!
Mentors are people too – most will be as invested in your journey as you are and although they know their stuff, knowing they are helping in some meaningful way is important. If you don’t feel you are getting what you need out of the relationship, be honest. If you can adapt your working relationship, it will beinift you both. If the relationship isn’t working, it’s always best to be honest upfront to avoid wasting anyones time.
When Mentorship Isn’t Working
Sometimes, despite best efforts, a mentoring relationship may not meet your needs. That doesn’t mean either of you have done anything wrong, it simply means you are not the right match – and that’s ok:
- Have an honest conversation about adjusting the relationship
- Gracefully step back if necessary
- Learn from the experience to better identify what you might need from a mentor going forward
- Consider asking your mentor if he/she could recommend someone who might be a better fit for them. Most mentors will be gracious and understanding and most work with authors who have other areas of expertise.
The Long View
Remember that mentorship is a personal journey and will never look exactly the same for each person. Sometimes the most valuable mentoring relationships develop naturally over time through consistent engagement with someone who has the same writing vision as you. Stay open to different forms of mentorship and focus on building genuine connections within the writing community.
Red Flags
Ok – this is the question I get asked most frequently, and often I have to be careful how I answer it, so I’ll approach this with both professional insight and personal empathy. As much as there are fabulous authors out there who really love to help fellow authors on their journey, there will always be charlatans prepared to take as much money from you as possible with very little effort or personal investment. These are a few of the Red Flags that I personally think you should be on the look out for when selecting the right person for you:
- Pushing Boundaries
You need to feel 100% comfortable with your mentor. Writing a book can be an emotional process and you need to feel able to be vulnerable. The right mentor will find your boundaries with you and help you push past your comfort zone, but going too far will damage the relationship. For example:
- Demanding excessive personal information
- Insisting on immediate, intense communication
- Making you feel guilty for having hesitations
Especially at the beginning of the process, your mentor should ask where you feel comfortable and work to help you grow from there. If and when you feel too much pressure, have an open conversation.
2. Transactional Energy
Although this is a business relationship, it shouldn’t and doesn’t need to feel transactional. Warning signs include:
- Asking for payment beyond reasonable professional rates – (Do your research!)
- Treating you more like a potential income source than a developing writer – the focus should be on how they can help you, not how much money you are prepared to give them to do so
- Showing more interest in what you can do for them than supporting your growth
3. Consistent Negativity
While constructive criticism is helpful, a mentor should always be supportive. Red flags include:
- Consistently undermining your confidence
- Dismissing your writing without offering meaningful feedback
- Presenting criticism that feels more destructive than developmental
- Changing your own work to their own words/ideas – this is your book, not theirs. Opinions are helpful, changes are not.
4. Lack of Reciprocal Respect
Healthy mentorship involves mutual respect. Watch for:
- Consistently canceling meetings or being unreliable
- Speaking condescendingly about your experience level
5. Inappropriate Dynamics
Trust your instincts about personal interactions. Warning signs include:
- Conversations that feel inappropriately personal
- Comments that make you feel uncomfortable
6. Gatekeeping
A good mentor opens doors; a toxic one tries to close them:
- Refusing to share industry insights or connections
- Creating artificial barriers to your progress
7. Lack of Clear Communication
Professional mentors should be transparent:
- Vague promises about what mentorship entails with little detail as to how to achieve this
- Reluctance to discuss specific expectations
Remember: Trust the quiet voice inside you that recognises when a relationship doesn’t feel supportive or authentic.
Your journey as a writer is sacred. The right mentor will recognise and honour that.
